Homer's Brain

Homer's conversations with his Brain

("Mr. Plow")

It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

("Saturdays of Thunder" [8F07])

His brain covinces him to use reverse psychology...

("Brother from the Same Planet" [9F12])

Don't say revenge, Don't say revenge .... That's it I'm getting outta here...

("I Love Lisa" [9F13])

tries to figure out what special day he missed

("Duffless" [9F14])

...off to the duff brewery...

("The Front" [9F16])

This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the horrible secret from your past.

("The Front" [9F16])

Homer makes a deal with his brain to complete an exam so he can go back to killing it with beer

("Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood" [1F06])

shut-up brain or i'll stab you with a Q-tip

("Boy Scoutz 'N the Hood" [1F06])

20 dollars ... but I wanted a peanut.

("Homer the Vigilante" [1F09])

the girl (Lisa) knows too much

("Secrets of a Successful Marriage" [1F20])

... eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding ...

("Secrets of a Successful Marriage" [1F20])

... they called you slow! ...

("Bart v's Australia" [2F13])

... just sign the cheque ...

("Bart Sells His Soul" [3F02])

... silence you fool it can be ours !

("Two Bad Neighbors" [3F09])

There it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.

("Burns, Baby Burns" [4F05])

Homer's brain gets bored and leaves!

("Lisa's First Word" [9F08])

... better say something or they'll think you're stupid ..

("Lisa's Substitute")

Homer's brain tells him if he were smarter he could get out of it ...

Homer after crashing the car ...

Agent:

Now, before I give you the cheque, one more question. This place "Moe's" you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?

Homer's Brain:

Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night?

Homer:

It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

Homer's Brain:

Heh heh heh. I would've never thought of that.

Homer at the breakfast table ....

Homer:

Well, time to go to work.

Homer's brain:

Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.

Homer:

Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.

Homer's brain:

Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing.

[camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything]

Well, off to the plant.

Homer:

Then to the Duff Brewery.

Homer's brain:

Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?

Homer:

[panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast!

Marge:

Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?

Homer:

Aah!

[Runs off]

Homer tips his head back, closes his eyes, opens his mouth, and tosses the peanut towards his head, missing his mouth. The peanut clatters behind the couch, and after a couple of seconds, Homer observes, "Something's wrong." He gets down on his hands and knees in front of the couch and reaches underneath.

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]

Homer:

Hmm...ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha!

[looks, then says remorsefully]

Ohhh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!

Homer's brain:

Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!

Homer:

Explain how.

Homer's brain:

Money can be exchanged for good and services.

Bart:

[to himself] Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say "No." Then it'll be his fault.

Homer:

[to himself] I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, "Yes!"

Homer's brain:

Wait! Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?

Homer:

Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!

Poker in Lenny's kitchen, Homer has just won again....

Moe:

Ha ha. Come to papa -- wait a minute! You have a straight flush, Homer! You do this every time, you -- oh, you -- oh! Gah! I'm choking on my own rage here.

Carl:

Hey, don't yell at Homer. Just 'cause he's a little slow...

Homer's Brain:

Something was said...not good. What was it?

"Don't yell at Homer!" No, that's OK. What was it? ...Slow!

They called you slow!

Homer:

[stands up, yells] How dare you call me that! I -- huh?

[Lenny walks into empty kitchen wearing night cap]

Lenny:

[opens fridge] Hey, Homer, you still here? Boy, you _are_ slow.

Homer's Brain:

Something said...not good.

Lenny:

Get the hell out of here!

Lisa brings Homer his pudding in the treehouse and tells him to find the thing that only he can give Marge....

Homer:

All right, Brain, it's all up to you. If you don't think of what it is, we'll lose Marge forever.

Homer's Brain:

Eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding

Homer:

OK. But then we gotta get to work.

[pigs out]

Homer sits on the couch and reads a phone bill.....

Homer:

Burkina Faso? Disputed Zone? Who called all these weird places?

Homer's Brain:

Quiet, it might be you! I can't remember.

Homer:

Naw, I'm going to ask Marge.

Homer's Brain:

No, no! Why embarrass us both? Just write a check and I'll release some more endorphins.

[Homer scribbles a check, then sighs with pleasure]

Lisa says grace for everone's soul but Bart's...

Bart:

I can't _take_ this any more. I want my soul, and I want it now!

[runs out]

Homer:

Bart, you didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe balls!

Homer's brain:

Silence, you fool. It can be ours!

Homer:

[eating]

Run, boy! Run! Run for your life, boy!

Bush goes jogging with Tim Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, and Lenny, and a friendly-looking mutt. Homer watches them jog past from his hammock.

Homer:

Huh. Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush.

[SLH barks and runs off after them]

I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.

[laughs]

Homer's Brain:

There it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.

Homer:

D'oh!

Homer runs into Flanders after getting bored on a tour of an apple mill .....

Ned:

Well, if God didn't make little green apples, it's Homer Simpson!

How long have you been here?

Homer:

Twenty of the suckiest minutes of my life.

Ned:

Ho ho ho, suckin' down the cider, uh? Hey, word to the wise -- [shows Homer a card] season pass! It pays for itself after the sixteenth visit. You know, most people don't know the difference between apple cider and apple juice, but I do. Now here's a little trick to help you remember. If it's clear and yella', you've got juice there, fella! If it's tangy and brown, you're in cider town. Now, there's two exceptions and it gets kinda tricky here...

[Homer's brain gets bored]

Homer's Brain:

[moans] You can stay, but I'm leaving.

[brain floats away; Homer is now staring blankly]

Ned:

... can be yellow, if they're using late season apples. And, of course, in Canada, the whole thing's flip-flopped.

[Homer collapses]

Ned:

Oh, my! I'd better get you some cider.

Sitting on the couch with the family.....

Marge:

Oh Maggie, when are you going to talk?

Lisa:

Well, don't push her. Remember, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Homer's brain:

What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid.

Homer:

Takes one to know one.

Homer's brain:

Swish!

Homer pays a visit to the Bigger Brothers office....

Administrator:

And what are your reasons for wanting a Little Brother?

Homer's brain:

Don't say revenge! Don't say revenge!

Homer:

Uh, revenge?

Homer's brain:

That's it, I'm gettin' outta here. [footsteps, and a door slam]

Marge receives her invitation to her high school reunion, but there isn't on for Homer ....

Homer's brain:

This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the horrible secret from your past.

Homer:

Marge I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.

Marge:

Oh, my God!

Homer's brain:

No, the other secret!

Homer:

I never passed Remedial Science 1A.

Marge:

And you're a nuclear technician?

Homer prepares to do his final exam to pass high school...

Homer:

All right brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer's brain:

It's a deal!

Marge:

Lisa needs to go to the museum tomorrow, and I think you should take her.

Homer:

Museum? Tomorrow? Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on...

Homer's Brain:

Sleeping? Eating a big sandwich? Watching TV? Spending time with the boy!

Homer:

Spending time with the boy! The boy needs attention, Marge.

Marge:

Homer, I've been talking to Lisa, and I'm concerned about your relationship with her.

Bart:

Me too, Mom. I think they're drifting apart.

Homer:

Shut up, boy.

Marge:

Homer, please.

Homer:

Marge, you don't understand. I can't do it because...

Homer's Brain:

You're trapped. If you were smarter, you might think of something. But you're not, so you just might as well...

Homer:

All right, all right, I'll take her. [sotto voce] Lousy brain.

Marge:

And this is for my huggy-bug, in honor of this special day.

[serves Homer breakfast of eggs and bacon, spelling out "I love you"]

Homer's Brain:

Special day!? Oh, what have I forgot now? Now don't panic. Is it Bacon Day? No, that's crazy-talk.

[smile gradually fades from her radiant visage]

She's getting impatient! Take a stab at it!

Homer:

Happy... Valentine's Day...

Homer:

[reading] Cosby's First Law of Inter-generational Perversity: No matter what you tell your child to do, he will always do the opposite. Huh?

Homer's Brain:

Don't you get it!? You gotta use reverse psychology!

Homer:

Well, that sounds too complicated.

Homer's Brain:

Okay, _don't_ use reverse psychology.

Homer:

All right, I will!

Possible reasons for Homer's brain

("Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie")

Homer:

You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table.

[cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.

Bart:

Dad, what's the point of this story?

Homer:

[cheerily] I like stories.

[3F31] A demon selects Homer's head from several and grips it. He rolls it down an alley as Homer's head screams, until it hits the spiked pins and breaks open, revealing a note: "IOU one brain, signed God".

("If I Only Had a Brain" in "Treehouse of Horror II")
In the lab...

Burns:

[saws off the top of Homer's head. No blood, very clean. The top of Homer's head rolls away.]

Smithers, hand me that ice-cream scoop.

Smithers:

Ice-cream scoop?!

Burns:

Dammit, Smithers, this isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!

[plucks out Homer's brain and puts it atop his own head.]

Look at me! I'm Davey Crockett!

("So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show")
Homer is released and joins his family in the hospital lobby. "This calls for a celebration. We're all going to Hawaii!" April Fool's! But the family tell him that it's mid-May; he was in a coma for seven weeks. After a pause, all burst out laughing. Marge adds, "You lost five percent of your brain!" Homer asks, "Me lose brain? Uh-oh!" More laughter. (Homer asks, "Why I laugh?")

Compiled with much help from The Simpsons Archive

last update Sun Dec 26, 1999

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